It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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