I am puke
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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