last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
