So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
