Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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