Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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