I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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