Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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