My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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