I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize