I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about youâ€
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