The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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