So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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