I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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