If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize