I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
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As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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