as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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