I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think my moral compass just broke
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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