Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize