my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
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One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
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We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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