You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
