Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize