I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize