The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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