is your mom at the bar?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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