i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize