After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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