Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize