All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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