someone threw a dead crab at me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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