Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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