after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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