He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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