i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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