there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
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Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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