Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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