shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize