He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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