i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize