I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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