Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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