Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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