My hair reeks of homosexuality.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
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Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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