i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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