i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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