Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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