FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
only if we run a train.
done.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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