screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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