Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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