Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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