We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
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I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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