At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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