She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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